Keir Starmer is doomed but don't cheer too soon - what follows will be hell on earth

Instead of turning things to gold, everything our "reverse Midas" Prime Minister touches turns to dust (many at Westminster favour other four-letter words). Last week, he suffered one public humiliation after another.

Labour was annihilated in the Caerphilly by-election, its first defeat there in more than a century, swept away by Plaid Cymru and Nigel Farage's Reform UK. The grooming gang enquiry collapsed, the Epping sex offender was mistakenly released while awaiting deportation, and the first deportee on his "one-in, one-out" migrant returns plan shot straight back from France on a small boat.

In a final blow, Starmer's chosen candidate for deputy leader, Bridget Phillipson, was trounced by Starmer critic Lucy Powell.

Powell quickly served up a hard-left wish list: lift the two-child benefit cap, reinstate suspended MPs who rebelled over welfare cuts, and tax the rich.

Starmer's authority is now shot. MPs are openly discussing who replaces him should next May's local elections go badly, which they will. He may not last that long.

The PM's replacements are already jostling to inherit the wreckage. Second rater Andy Burnham is circling, as he always is.

Angela Rayner, who only just resigned over financial improprieties, has sharpened her elbows. Ed Miliband continues to wow the party faithful his green utopian fantasies. The more nonsense he spouses, and the more carnage he creates, the more Labour members love him.

Labour's parliamentary party is a rabble of daydreamers, gesture-politicians and activists convinced their precious principles can defy the practical demands of power.

And here's the scary bit: as Starmer loses his way, they're in charge.

That 174-seat majority has become a millstone, dragging him down while backbench MPs fume and demand a "progressive" government. By which they mean one that's even more of a hard-left shambles than the current one.

When Starmer finally falls, plenty will celebrate. Especially if Chancellor Rachel Reeves follows him out of the door, but beware.

What follows will be much worse.

The bond market knows this. They fear the Chancellor's departure even though she's failed on every front, because she's the only one willing to face fiscal reality.

The rest of the Labour Party don't care that we're already borrowing £20billion a month, just to make ends meet. They want to borrow more, tax more and spend more. On repeat.

They will hike taxes, expand benefits, reverse Brexit, boost immigration, posture on Gaza and nationalise everything they can, accelerating the country's division and decline.

And when the economy goes into reverse and borrowing costs rage out of control, they'll double down.

It will be an absolute nightmare and ridiculously, Starmer and Reeves are the only things that can stop it this side of an election. Heaven help us.

Thought they were bad? What follows will be truly hellish.