Breakups are like movie endings—some are Oscar-worthy, others deserve a Razzie. Each zodiac sign leaves a breakup trail that could either be a poetic montage or a scene from a true crime docuseries.
Aries – The "Burn-the-Bridge" Ex. Gone in a blaze of drama, and probably broke a phone in the process. Closure? That’s for soft genres. This ex leaves like it’s the series finale.
Taurus – The "Stuck-in-a-Time-Loop" Ex. Still remembers anniversaries, favorite pizza toppings, and exact arguments from 2017. Will never move on until Netflix reboots the relationship.
Gemini – The "Texting at 2 AM" Ex. One day it's “Let’s talk,” the next it’s “Who is this?” Feels like dating someone who’s also auditioning for three different roles in a rom-com.
Cancer – The "Love-Letter Hoarder" Ex. Probably still cries to Adele. Keeps the breakup box labeled, scented, and alphabetized. Might knit a scarf from old memories.
Leo – The "Annoyingly Thriving" Ex. Breaks up and suddenly glows up. Instagram model energy. Inspires rage and awe. Breakup served as character development—just not for the other person.
Virgo – The "Constructive Criticism" Ex. Left a detailed list on what went wrong and how to improve. Gave relationship feedback like it was a performance review. No typos.
Libra – The "Still Friends?" Ex. Wants to be civil, co-host birthday parties, and maybe even brunch. Probably uses “No hard feelings” as a pickup line.
Scorpio – The "Lifetime Suspicion" Ex. Never forgets. Never forgives. Might have a folder labeled “evidence” in the cloud. If this ex forgives, it’s probably a trap.
Sagittarius – The "Peace-Out" Ex. Vanished faster than a Tinder match in retrograde. No explanations, just a plane ticket and a vague Instagram caption about “finding oneself.”
Capricorn – The "Corporate Goodbye" Ex. Polite, prepared, and exits like a resignation letter. Might offer a LinkedIn endorsement. Feelings were processed through Excel sheets.
Aquarius – The "Unreachable Philosopher" Ex. Ghosted for philosophical reasons. Sent a breakup haiku and disappeared into the digital void. Probably joined a commune.
Pisces – The "Forever Feels" Ex. Still writes poetry. Still cries during Disney movies. Still believes in soulmates, especially the last three.
Aries – The "Burn-the-Bridge" Ex. Gone in a blaze of drama, and probably broke a phone in the process. Closure? That’s for soft genres. This ex leaves like it’s the series finale.
Taurus – The "Stuck-in-a-Time-Loop" Ex. Still remembers anniversaries, favorite pizza toppings, and exact arguments from 2017. Will never move on until Netflix reboots the relationship.
Gemini – The "Texting at 2 AM" Ex. One day it's “Let’s talk,” the next it’s “Who is this?” Feels like dating someone who’s also auditioning for three different roles in a rom-com.
Cancer – The "Love-Letter Hoarder" Ex. Probably still cries to Adele. Keeps the breakup box labeled, scented, and alphabetized. Might knit a scarf from old memories.
Leo – The "Annoyingly Thriving" Ex. Breaks up and suddenly glows up. Instagram model energy. Inspires rage and awe. Breakup served as character development—just not for the other person.
Virgo – The "Constructive Criticism" Ex. Left a detailed list on what went wrong and how to improve. Gave relationship feedback like it was a performance review. No typos.
Libra – The "Still Friends?" Ex. Wants to be civil, co-host birthday parties, and maybe even brunch. Probably uses “No hard feelings” as a pickup line.
Scorpio – The "Lifetime Suspicion" Ex. Never forgets. Never forgives. Might have a folder labeled “evidence” in the cloud. If this ex forgives, it’s probably a trap.
Sagittarius – The "Peace-Out" Ex. Vanished faster than a Tinder match in retrograde. No explanations, just a plane ticket and a vague Instagram caption about “finding oneself.”
Capricorn – The "Corporate Goodbye" Ex. Polite, prepared, and exits like a resignation letter. Might offer a LinkedIn endorsement. Feelings were processed through Excel sheets.
Aquarius – The "Unreachable Philosopher" Ex. Ghosted for philosophical reasons. Sent a breakup haiku and disappeared into the digital void. Probably joined a commune.
Pisces – The "Forever Feels" Ex. Still writes poetry. Still cries during Disney movies. Still believes in soulmates, especially the last three.
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